i don't like sucking hair
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
