I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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