i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
