I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
