96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
