I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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