I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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