Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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