Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize