i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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