i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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