Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
smell my finger.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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