he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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