i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
