You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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