I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize