I have demons in me.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Randomize
