dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
