I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
