Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
