people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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