remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
