i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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