Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
