I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
