just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
