you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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