Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
