I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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