I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
