Who wears a wallet chain?!
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize