So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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