so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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