I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I need moral support for this bender
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
