Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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