i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
