I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
