Need sex. Gaining weight.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
They have beer where we have blood.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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