she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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