Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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