It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
