And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
