Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
