She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
try to milk me bitch
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