Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
