How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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