i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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