So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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