Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
