I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
