Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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