Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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