why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you win again, gameday.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
