Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
third nipple confirmed
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
