I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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