Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
