so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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