Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize