y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
