It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
