dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Sorry about my life...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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