she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
