just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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