i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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