when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
