We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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