Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
