I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
