everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
